I wish I could teleport
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
