I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
