this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
