My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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