mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just pee around me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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