If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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