my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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