Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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