Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
