I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
