i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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