blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
