the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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