I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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