Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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