he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
