yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
