Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize