just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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