im about as happy as oj after his trial
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
