also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
