So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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