fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
