You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't deserve a penis
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
