Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
