this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
