he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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