theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
