I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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