whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
