I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
