Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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