Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
