thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
