And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
