u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
