Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
