At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
