Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
