Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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