I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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