in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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