She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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