when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
