I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
