Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
