someone get that fucking seahorse.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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