Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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