I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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