she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize