Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
