The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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